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Word Gems
exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity
Soulmate, Myself:
Prometheus Denied
21: Lack Of Capacity
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[lying in bed]
K. (very softly) I have something to say to you, “American Pie” boy.
E. Yes?
K. You don’t have to respond… just listen… I want you
to know something… I want my words to sink down to your deepest
person… so far down that, in those final years, when you’re an old man...
missing me, weeping for me… you will remember what I say to you today.
E. (silence)
K. (in a near-whisper) I know what your greatest terror is… I know that
you die every time you bring to mind someone else touching me… And
I’ve been searching for a way to encourage you. We spoke
of “constructive assent”; but there is another concept from contract
law that might bring a momentary cool-breeze of refreshment to your
tortured heart… and, I’m thinking of “lack of capacity”… Brother
Joshua said that those drugged by the influence of the small ego “know
not what they do.” And so it shall be with us, led by our anger, beginning
in teen days… those who “know not what they do” labor
with “lack of capacity” constraints. Their actions are conducted under
“duress,” held hostage by the small ego, with no authentic “meeting of
the minds,” no reflection of truest heart… in any case, all contracts are
either void or voidable when entered into by parties lacking capacity
to transact business. Here’s what I would have you know regarding my then-egoic “lack of capacity,” should another man touch me: it would mean
virtually nothing to me; but for momentary animal thrill, and possibly not
even that; there would be no life, no fire, in it, just instinctual female response; moreover, on some level of awareness, I would know that I do not belong to him, that he is “not like me,” and therefore, none of it will change me, fulfill or inspire me; it will not lead me to higher states of being, nor create the spiritual One Person… Elenchus, nothing that happens down there truly matters. Earth-plane activity, status, and
putative love-relationships are to be counted as provisional, ephemeral – mere "dress-rehearsal" and “practice turn” for the grand production to come… (sighing) As I offer these words, My Love, I also perceive your throbbing pain of losing me, and that my words can offer but little solace… I well understand that what you want is me, safe and secure with you, and not a speech; nevertheless… I wish for your “grey head,” many decades from now, to remember what I say here… (whispering) I want that old man to try to remember; that… nothing on the Earth-plane is real; everything that happens there is reversible, it's all mere shadow and pale image… try to remember what I say, Elenchus… try to remember…
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